Corbyn in the mirror with her link to the world.
There are times when our new ways make me feel liberated and peaceful, and times when I feel strangely broken and vulnerable. My tongue returns to the holes my molars have left behind, and I'm reminded that if I had managed to keep all of my insurance, my failed root canals would not have had such dire consequences. I see people living on the street, missing teeth and too-tanned from time spent walking long distances by the side of the road. Pulling my children in a wagon to a distant destination and feeling the relentless sun on my back makes me wonder how far I am from this. When I am feeling low, it seems closer.
This month has sapped some of my joy with its stresses. We have gotten letters taped to our door notifying us that foreclosure is imminent, as our landlord has not paid his mortgage in the year we have been here. Moving to this rambling, cheap house was our anchor through this storm, and thinking of moving again forces me to reckon with myself and assess what elements of our struggle are recession-related, and which are really my Own Damn Fault. If I had been forward-thinking, I could have and would have saved a great majority of my income when I was so very gainfully employed. I didn't need the nicest, safest SUV complete with leather seats and XM radio.
God knows I probably didn't need an iPhone. I'm typing this on my iPhone now, even while we struggle to pay the electric bill. It's a link to a lost lifestyle (about which I feel conflicted and more than a little embarrassed), but more importantly, it's my everything now. With no cable and no Internet connectivity at home, it has become my link to a virtual community, to entertainment... and to work, like writing this blog.
I find the idea of living without my iPhone almost incomprehensible. It reminds me not to feel too pious about the sacrifices we have made. I can look at environmental catastrophes and feel holy that we are living car-free, going without air conditioning, shopping at thrift stores or not at all, and growing organic produce.
But if I am honest, I have to acknowledge that the most dramatic changes we have made were those that were forced upon us. There are current circumstances that make poverty easier to weather: a global recession that means less pariah status and more resources for surviving, and environmental concerns that make living simply worthy of high regard.
Not long ago, the thought of going without cable, a car, Internet, a cool and comfortable home on a hot summer day were unthinkable. One by one, we got rid of these. Not only did we survive each one of these in turn, we actually found glorious benefits hidden in each decision. Our struggles have created stronger, quicker, deeper, and more rewarding bonds with our friends and neighbors. The relationships we create now feel like survival. Our friends are intimately involved with us, and we rely on each other more than we used to.
It begs the question: could I give up my iPhone and find similar benefits? For some reason, I feel like this might have to be my lone holdout. Virtual communities like Facebook makes so much of this tolerable. I rely on my good phone to save me when I am lost on my bicycle with my kids. I count on emails, texts, and social networking to pull me through the emotional isolation of joblessness, poverty, and a frightening illness. Writing this blog is also a link to my successful, working identity.
In two days, I have relatively-minor exploratory surgery for what may turn out to be a horrifying prognosis. I have the support of my community, both the 3D and the ethereal version. I will be driven to the specialist while my children are lovingly cared for. I will update my status. Friends will bring beer and pizza. I will write this blog, gain comfort in my garden, find solace in the air conditioned library, and play Facebook Scrabble with a friend from high school while I convalesce. I am loathe to give up any type of community, my most abundant and important luxury.
Comments
Paul M. Davis wrote on 06.09.10, 1:30pm:
I find that my wife and I can go contentedly without many of the luxuries you detail here, perhaps because of how integrated smartphones and Internet access are in our lives: for instance, cable is unnecessary with the Internet access (and a much more affordable Netflix instant watch account.) What I find most alarming about my reliance on my iPhone and home Internet access is how quickly they can drain your bank account, in a way that you don't feel until later. The $200 initial cost of the iPhone seems affordable considering all it can do until you consider the $100/month you pay for service over two years. It's cheaper and easier to download an eBook to the Kindle app than to go to a bookstore, but because it's so easy and painless, I purchase books I wouldn't have otherwise bought because of an momentary impulse. Even though these tools may seem like a better value than, say, a $60/mo cable subscription that only delivers one thing, television, the way they can slowly and quietly drain money from our bank accounts is alarming. In short, I think smartphones and the like are a much better use of money for the cash-strapped family than other recreational devices, but you have to be vigilant or they'll become a passive money pit. Regardless, as you skillfully state in this post, the way that they connect us to our communities and loved ones is invaluable.
Plain Jane wrote on 06.09.10, 1:42pm:
Jesus. All I can say is, hang in there. This series is really driving home the difficulties of life in the recession, and I love the way you relate it to Shareable's Big Ideas about sharing. It's very unusual and creative; your writing is lovely.
I read the first entry in your series, and saw the comment from the jerkwad who gave you a hard time for keeping the iPhone--I assume that's what provoked this one, though it sounds like something you've thought about. This post makes me think about how things move from luxuries to necessities and ambiguities of life with our machines.
Now that I think about it, I find all of Shareable's pieces about the iPhone to be very nuanced and engaging--for example, I remember the post about gadget lust and planned obsolescence, and lots of pieces on how mobile tech has enabled the growth of car and bike sharing. I feel like we're all thinking aloud about these issues, and it's stimulating.
Leo wrote on 06.09.10, 2:49pm:
I think you'd enjoy giving up the iPhone, if you think of it not as a sacrifice but an adventure into minimalism and being disconnected some of the time. I've never owned an iPhone and I enjoy being away from the Internet when I'm out and about.
Keep your head up, Corbyn ... you've come a long way and you're inspiring a lot of people.
Karen wrote on 06.12.10, 9:17pm:
Please don't question your one "luxury". You have let go of so much and seem to have such a greater appreciation of the important stuff. Besides the connection to news, information and a supportive on-line community, your IPhone is a connection to how people in business communicate today. Keeping up with the continual changes in business communication and media is necessary and you cannot afford to be left behind. I'm still employed and struggle to keep up.
Sarah Noack wrote on 06.17.10, 9:51am:
Corbyn, I'm so glad the prognosis was not horrible after all! HOORAY!!
Keep your damn iPhone! You deserve it. Is it polluting the earth? Is it killing the whales? Is it eating up the ozone layer? No! In fact, it is saving paper, saving you health-destroying stress. It is providing you with a means to earn an income. What are you going to do if you give it up: type articles at the library while your kids play with Legos on the floor during business hours? Bring your computer to Playland McDonalds so you can support corporate factory farming while using their free internet connection? Come on. Your goal here is not austerity and macho self-deprivation. It's streamlining your life, and using hardship to discover new possibilities.
The iPhone is every bit necessary for your life and you shouldn't have to feel guilty, defend it or even have to consider for a minute whether or not you merit this so-called luxury. This is a business expense for you. It can be lifesaving, too in a jam!
I think you just have to ask yourself what your goal is. Are you trying to live off the grid? Then get rid of it and buy lots of notebooks and get lots of pay phone change, or learn to communicate via your amazing psychic powers (of which I am sure you do possess). But then how will you tell others about your experiences? They don't have psychic powers. Oops, we need The Grid again. Uh oh.
Why not just designate certain times of day as iPhone-free except in emergency situations?
I have met some of my dearest friends (including you!) online. I actually think that a whole book could be written about how the internet is transforming community and neighborhood structure, and I think it's a good thing. Someday we may have entire neighborhoods connected by preferences, habits and hobbies... not just ethnicity or language.
Please don't throw the baby out with the bathwater! Giving up your iPhone would be stupid! You need to make a living to support your family. You can't do it without a basic business infrastructure and connectivity. Your iPhone is a very environmentally friendly, itsy bitsy, portable key to that that you should treasure and honor accordingly.
I think there is this misconception that we should feel GUILTY about enjoying luxury. Who says? Why? Why not just choose what you want in your life, yourself—reject what you don't need and want—and just say THANK YOU for all of it... what you have, and what you can also live without. If you feel like you need to have six bathrooms floored with rose quartz and Rockettes singing in your kitchen every morning at breakfast over caviar and clotted cream crêpes, then that's your right. We all make our own reality and we deserve to choose what in life makes us thrilled and delighted, and surround ourselves with that. But if our objects of desire cut us off from ourselves or enslave us, or harm others or the earth, then it's time to look at our priorities in my opinion.
I am glad you got an OK bill of health! Hooray.
"This city transcends not only borders and nations, but space and time. When I walk through its streets, I experience all my life—past, present, future—at once in my mind. Memories overlap and become real."
– Sarah Noack, from City of Dreams
Sarah Noack wrote on 06.17.10, 9:53am:
OK, so maybe it's not SO environmentally friendly, according to the bees. But still. Just sayin'. Still better than tons of paper, and you need it.
"This city transcends not only borders and nations, but space and time. When I walk through its streets, I experience all my life—past, present, future—at once in my mind. Memories overlap and become real."
– Sarah Noack, from City of Dreams
Corbyn Hightower wrote on 06.17.10, 10:15pm:
Sarah, what generous and nonjudgmental words. Thank you, I just adore you, Sister!
juicy couture daydreamer wrote on 06.18.10, 2:22am:
I think there is this misconception that we should feel GUILTY about enjoying luxury. Who says? Why? Why not just choose what you want in your life, yourself—reject what you don't need and want—and just say THANK YOU for all of it... what you have,
Gainesville ghost wrote on 06.25.10, 6:41am:
Corbyn, we haven't spoken in twenty years, and I ran accross your captivating and moving blog. I'm thrilled to see that through the struggles and adventures you describe, you've had a caccoon of love and your quirky optimism to support you and most importantly rediscover the joy you bring by sharing your beautiful writing voice. All my warmest wishes for the happiness you richly deserve.
Ps. Sent from my iPhone mobile device
Corbyn, I love this post! Please share more about the joys you've found through being forced to downsize. This is a particularly important point since your health concerns are forcing you to focus on what really matters. Thanks for being so brave to share your story here. Keep it up and best of luck to you and your family!
Micki Kirimmel is the founder of NeighborGoods.net, where you can save money and resources by sharing stuff with your neighbors.