What does the disposable American birthday teach kids? Photo via asmith62378.
After years of attending kids' birthday parties and potlucks where, by the end, the trash bins were overflowing with disposable plates and utensils, I decided to invest in a community party kit.
It was a simple idea, or so I thought: I spent $20 on a large set of reuseable plates, cups, utensils and cloth napkins. I stored them in the storage space accessible to the 4 families who live in our "compound" (an accidental community of four families who live in a row).
I sent an email to all three families and to the 20 families in my son's class (his school is conveniently located next door to our house so I thought they might like to partake as well). The email invited them to make free use of the party kit.
The outcome: My family trots out the party kit all the time, but no one else does. We continue to see disposable stuff being used at most of the parties we go to. I don't want to nag or pressure my neighbors, and I know they haven't forgotten about the party kit because we use it all the time. These are well-meaning, environmentally-aware (but very busy) people -- a category that includes just about everyone I know. I'm guessing that the barrier is that they don't want to wash the stuff afterwards (though they all have dishwashers).
How can I get them on board without coming off as judgmental or nagging? Ideas?
Comments
Rebecca Thorman wrote on 06.27.11, 7:02am:
Also, when you hear about a party, you could reply, oh, great, I'll bring over the reusable items I have for you to use. When you reach out to people individually it is much more likely to find success than trying to appeal to the herd mentality.
Neal Gorenflo wrote on 06.27.11, 10:11am:
I like Rebecca's idea because it works directly with individuals hosting events.
My ideas may be less practical. Here's what I'm thinking - the argument for disposable stuff at kids birthday parties rests on the assumption that they are less work.
So there's two questions around this.
First, is disposable stuff really easier? You have to think about getting it, buy the stuff, stock it, store it, open the packages, and gather it up and cart it out afterwards. I like the idea of a kit because my party needs are taken care of for life. Done. No worries.
Second, why are parties so much work? Can't we design parties to be easier so there isn't pressure to succumb to the advertised shortcuts?
And then some ideas:
-make parties more collaborative to reduce workload on hosts, everyone can pitch in.
-make parties simpler so there's less work period. And stop the birthday party arms race.
-instead of serving kids, get them to help out, make it a game to help clean up. Offer recognition including recognition for teamwork. As is, birthday parties seem like perfect training grounds for selfishness and consumerism.
Børge A. Roum wrote on 06.28.11, 11:33am:
I love this idea of making it a tradition! Gameification is a good way of making people want to do something.
Phoebe wrote on 06.28.11, 11:42am:
That's cool that your family uses it, at least. I know one of the exciting things about having a kids party is picking out the napkins, plates and decorations. So maybe that's one reason others aren't using it.
Autumn wrote on 06.28.11, 12:45pm:
I think when it comes to kids birthday parties, some parents think everything needs to be perfect and exactly what the kids want, which means all that Disney themed disposable stuff a lot of times.
Yes, they could save money by using the disposable set, but in the scheme of things, paper plates/cups and plastic spoons aren't all that expensive.
Too bad though - it's a good idea!
Suzanne Lainson wrote on 06.28.11, 5:16pm:
Yes, I agree with the suggestions above. I would stress two ideas:
1. Less work. You need to point out how reusing these supplies means no one has to go to the store to buy stuff. And if dumping used plates and glasses into the trash seems like less work, maybe parents, neighbors, and kids need to pitch in to clear the table and load the dishwasher.
2. Save money. I hate to spend money on wrapping paper and would rather spend more money on the present. Kids are asked what kind of party themes they want, but what if the parents said, "We won't buy party supplies, which means you'll have $10 - $20 extra for another present." I think some parents feel they must do a themed-party because everyone else does, but if people start thinking about what they could do with the savings, it might make them and the kids feel better.
Neal Gorenflo wrote on 06.28.11, 5:44pm:
Maybe we should scrap the old kids birthday party model instead of trying to improve it? Maybe it's fatally flawed?
What about birthday parties that are service oriented or educational? Like volunteering, taking the kids to city government to see how the town works, to the fire department, or the police department. How about taking them to a working farm? How about a work session in the garden?
You know, kids are really smart, they seem to generally like adult things, and these birthday parties pander to the image of kids as somehow subhuman, helpless, or lost in a fantasy land. I think it's time to re-animate the real world, and do that by showing kids the wonder behind reality. The real world is sufficiently entertaining!
cheryl wrote on 06.28.11, 9:24pm:
Exciting - really?
ap wrote on 06.29.11, 1:34am:
I suggest asking them, instead of "guessing". While your gesture of providing the reusable dishes is a good one that I support, I think the flaw is that you made assumptions and did something based on your own perspective, not anyone else's.
Next time you are interested in engaging a group of people, consider including them in the process and asking for their input, opinion and ideas. If they contribute to the idea, they own it and are more likely to use it.
Neal Gorenflo wrote on 06.29.11, 6:44am:
Some good points @ap. I had thought that you could include your friends in the making of the party kit. And I mean actually make the plates and napkins together and decorating and personalizing them so they have more meaning to those who would use them
Erica Etelson wrote on 07.18.11, 2:57pm:
Thanks for all the thoughtful and creative suggestions. I'm most intrigued by the constructive criticism of the fact that I acted unilaterally in creating the party kit. It's def true that people (kids and grown-ups) are more likely to adhere to principles that they've had in a hand in creating. On the other hand, I feel like, we have to reinvent soooo many ways of doing things in our hyper-consumptive society that it's not realistic to create an elaborate process for rebooting each and every cultural habit. Taking advantage of a party-kit seems like such a no-brainer compared to far more challenging practices like driving, single-family homes, destination vacations, etc. This is the most daunting aspect of what we're facing -- we don't really have the luxury of decades to gradually shift our society to become sustainable.
Neal Gorenflo wrote on 07.18.11, 3:48pm:
Erica, you've hit on a very real limit, a cognitive barrier. It takes real energy to get over the invisible barrier of understanding. I constantly underestimate how high this barrier is. And I share your frustration. Nonetheless, I encourage you to keep experimenting. For me, the reward is in experimenting and improving things over time. Consistent small changes on an innovation can add up to big changes over time. This is how they do startups here in Silicon Valley. The saying here is, "fail early and often." That means get your product to market ASAP so people can react to it, and improve it constantly and keep reacting to the feedback on each improvement. But I hear you about the challenge of time.
ps. I had a thought that if you brought in 2 or 3 of your closest allies on the Party Kit that might get the ball rolling toward wider use. You could design some engagement in the kit even though you've already put it together. Maybe ask them for improvements?
I wonder if beyond the washing, if parents are worried about children breaking something and having to replace it? And also, if there's no schedule it might be a hassle to check and see if it's there or wonder if someone else reserved it.
People will always go down the path of least resistance, so perhaps you could make it fun. Maybe there is a special extra big plate that each new party signs so that it becomes a tradition and something fun and not just good for the environment.